There's a place in Psalm 25 that goes like this:
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, O LORD,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
14 The LORD confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the LORD,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Over the past few years, I have dearly wanted assurance that if there is a God, he will guide me and teach me the way he wants me to be. Not as in, "there Tom, you've got the Bible. That's more than enough. Believe it Or Else." Rather, I've hoped for the sort of friend and teacher who sees and understands my problems and challenges, shows it, gently helps me work through them, and makes sure I understand what I need to. It would also be nice if he didn't get upset with me every other moment. It seems to me like that's what (who) I need if "my feet" are to be "released" "from the snare".
Reading this Psalm, I'm encouraged that maybe this is true. But there do appear to be some contingencies: it's "the humble" who get guided, "those who fear him" who get confided in, and "those who keep the demands of his covenant" who receive the LORD's love and faithfulness.
"The demands of his covenant" are framed differently among Christians these days than in the psalmist's time, but 1 John 3:23 seems to give a decent summary of what the Christian God asks:
23 And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us.
So then I've found I have some problems on my hands. For one I'm not the humblest of individuals. No, I tend to think like I'm pretty hot stuff actually. A paragon of insight, intelligence and nobilitude. Still, despite this character flaw, I do regularly seek God in humility, so that part's not what gets me.
There is a nagging gadfly voice that pipes up, the same one that likes to announce that "all you need is the Bible" line above. It points out that I don't believe there's a God, therefore I don't believe in Jesus, therefore I'm disobeying God's command, out of keeping with his covenant and had better get myself back in line Or Else. Plus, it claims, James 1:7 says God will happily give needed wisdom to everyone who asks except doubters like me, so if I want wisdom, I'd better make myself Believe and not doubt Or Else.
"Hey!" I say, "But I have conscientious objections! I'm 'doubting' because of a good faith effort toward honesty. And how, aside from willful ignorance, do I just decide to 'believe' something? Maybe despite first appearances these passages somehow mean something more reasonable?" And the gadfly replies, "You're whining; stop. Your 'reasonable' is not God's reasonable. If God commands something, you're accountable to do it. God's said what he's said. Just Believe the Truth." These sorts of conversations generally leave me anxious, insecure and a little angry.
That's been typical of my spiritual dry spell. I've already shared the above with some of you months ago. What does it have to do with the recent spiritual rains, this little Spring?
The thing is, this Spring, I've been seeing and thanked God for sprouts of humility, the fear of God, a mindset of faith and a life of love: just what I need.
But I'm not gonna elaborate til Part III.
Let me know if you have any thoughts about the gadfly voice. What do you think it is? Where do you think it comes from? Is it familiar to you? How would you deal with it?
I think it doesn't matter much where the gadfly comes from; gadflies are pretty common. I think my response would be to look up from the annoyance to Jesus with "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" like the frustrated dad in Mark 9:21-29. We don't have a video of Jesus, but I feel like with compassion showing in his face and a twinkle in his eye, he goaded the dad into focusing on him (Jesus) more than on the exasperating problem at hand. I think he did the same sort of thing with the Greek woman in Mark 7:24-30. Compassion on his face, twinkle in his eye and smiling with delight at her answer, Jesus had goaded her to express the faith that she did have. He was pleased.
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